For a long time I figured the work was about going deep. So I kept digging. Into old crap into what caused it, into every damn theory I could get my hands on. The deeper I went the smaller I felt. The hole kept getting wider and I was still stuck at the bottom of it

Took me years to get it, maybe it’s not about going deep so much. Maybe it’s about going wide. About stretching what you can carry without breaking in half.
It involves regulating my nervous system so i have a wider capacity of tolerance for stress.
Feeling sad and not drowning in it. Feeling rage and not blowing the place up. Carrying both without going numb

Going deep just made the hole hungrier. Going wide, expand my capacity, finally I had something solid under my feet.