The Myth of “Being Yourself”

We’re told to always be ourselves – to be real, authentic, and unfiltered. But what if “being ourselves” in times of pain means lashing out, withdrawing, or misreading the world through the distorted lens of suffering?

Pain hijacks perception. When we’re in physical or emotional distress, our nervous system reacts before we do – pushing us into fight, flight, or freeze. We become short-tempered, defensive, distant, or consumed by blame. In those moments, “authenticity” is just raw reaction, not truth.

So maybe, instead of insisting on being ourselves at all costs, we should practice a different skill: editing. Recognizing that what we feel now isn’t the whole picture. That our words, if spoken too soon, might do damage. That we don’t have to say everything we think.

There’s power in pausing. In choosing patience over impulse. In telling our loved ones: I’m in fight-or-flight right now. I don’t trust my reactions. Let’s talk tomorrow.

For me, authenticity isn’t about being unfiltered – it’s about being aware. Sometimes, the most honest thing we can do is step back, wait, and let time clarify what’s real.